dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
a search helicopter?!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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