need another drink. this is the easiest way
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There r osticjed everywhere
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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