I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
