I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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