My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
