dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
bring money and cleavage
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
