you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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