Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
