we made out on top of his cat.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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