u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
