exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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