Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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