You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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