he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
