Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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