My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
