Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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