did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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