Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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