the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
