It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
