I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
