who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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