Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
