I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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