Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
