would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
