I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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