So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
