Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
