So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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