does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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