Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
