I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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