After last night, I could never be a politician.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
