I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
