He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
