We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
