my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
