I intend to get homeless drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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