Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
