I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
