I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
