I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
