There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
