u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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