I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
