I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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