I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
