but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
