im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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