Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
