So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
being pregnant is like rehab
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
