Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
