I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My nipple is on Facebook.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
