I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
