she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
